Real friends....please tell me what a real friend is, because it's hard to even name one. Am I even a real friend? I know I cancel out on people sometimes, I know I don't always wanna do the fun thing, or go out, or party, or laugh at stupid things. My best friend, is my boyfriend, and my daughter. Why? Because they are the only real people in my life. The only people who say the truth, who love me on my bad days, and for who I am and what I love to do. I have to give up sooner or later on her...It still hurts, just enough for it to bother me when she fails out on me. Or when I see she's online, but doesn't respond to my message until days later. The only person she is hurting..is herself. I can not do this anymore.
Kayleigh,
I don't want this to be difficult. Cause it's not really. Not anymore anyway. Back in the day, when things would get canceled, it hurt me a lot. When I wasn't invited to things, when I got left out of your life, yea..it hurt a whole lot. This past year I have grown to find out who I am. I'm still me, I'm still Amanda, or Manda, or Mandi, I still love to have fun, I love people, and still trust people. I forgive easily, and don't stay mad long. I trust way to easily, and wear my heart on my shoulder. It's not me who's not tried, or who's not trying. It's you. You know that...I know that... and you know...it's finally okay with me. It was fine a few months ago, before kaylins birthday, I wasn't going to invite you. Not because I hate you or have anything against you, but because you let us ..let go of eachother. When you wrote that thing...I was like ..maybe she's finally realized that she needs me. Cause no matter what Kayleigh..I'll always want you in my life. I'll always need that spot that you left, but i realize that I don't need it. People walk in..and people walk out, in my life, that's normal. I am happy though. I have friends..I have a guy who loves me for me, who is the friend that is there, I have an amazing daughter...who is more than enough for me. All of those years in highschool..I was so lost. I didn't know me, I hated who I thought I was, I hated my life because it wasn't what "normal" was. As a get older, I realize that none of that matters. Life is what we make of it, and I have time, and the motivation to create it. What I mean is..it's okay for you to move on. It's okay to leave me in your past, you made an impact on my life, you made me come to terms with myself. I guess you could say " I faced my demons" ...Now I'm on the right track, and I'm okay. I don't hurt anymore. I don't depend on anyone but Andrew and myself. I love my life..I love the possibilities, I love what God has given me. I hope you do too, I hope you find whatever it is that keeps you going. That makes you come to terms with your life. Not just a man...but the sole purpose for what you want to live for. I love you...I will always and forever keep your memories with me. You helped me grow and learn so much, There is not enough thanks in the world to thank you for all that you've done for me. I wish you the best, and who knows..maybe some day our lives will cross paths again...and our friendship can find it's way, but for now...I'll be fine with being a memory.
Kayleigh,
I don't want this to be difficult. Cause it's not really. Not anymore anyway. Back in the day, when things would get canceled, it hurt me a lot. When I wasn't invited to things, when I got left out of your life, yea..it hurt a whole lot. This past year I have grown to find out who I am. I'm still me, I'm still Amanda, or Manda, or Mandi, I still love to have fun, I love people, and still trust people. I forgive easily, and don't stay mad long. I trust way to easily, and wear my heart on my shoulder. It's not me who's not tried, or who's not trying. It's you. You know that...I know that... and you know...it's finally okay with me. It was fine a few months ago, before kaylins birthday, I wasn't going to invite you. Not because I hate you or have anything against you, but because you let us ..let go of eachother. When you wrote that thing...I was like ..maybe she's finally realized that she needs me. Cause no matter what Kayleigh..I'll always want you in my life. I'll always need that spot that you left, but i realize that I don't need it. People walk in..and people walk out, in my life, that's normal. I am happy though. I have friends..I have a guy who loves me for me, who is the friend that is there, I have an amazing daughter...who is more than enough for me. All of those years in highschool..I was so lost. I didn't know me, I hated who I thought I was, I hated my life because it wasn't what "normal" was. As a get older, I realize that none of that matters. Life is what we make of it, and I have time, and the motivation to create it. What I mean is..it's okay for you to move on. It's okay to leave me in your past, you made an impact on my life, you made me come to terms with myself. I guess you could say " I faced my demons" ...Now I'm on the right track, and I'm okay. I don't hurt anymore. I don't depend on anyone but Andrew and myself. I love my life..I love the possibilities, I love what God has given me. I hope you do too, I hope you find whatever it is that keeps you going. That makes you come to terms with your life. Not just a man...but the sole purpose for what you want to live for. I love you...I will always and forever keep your memories with me. You helped me grow and learn so much, There is not enough thanks in the world to thank you for all that you've done for me. I wish you the best, and who knows..maybe some day our lives will cross paths again...and our friendship can find it's way, but for now...I'll be fine with being a memory.
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