invisible.

You must be blind to not see it. I don't know if you make yourself immune to it, or if you refuse to accept whats going on. Your anger is so out of control sometimes its like a war zone, I can't make it to my battle station fast enough because my heart refuses to accept its really happening. It's like seeing something you don't want to happen, happen. Your heart goes crazy trying to make it stop, but you have no defense. I don't want to fight with you, I don't want us yelling and getting mad. I've laid awake so many nights dreading when this monster is going to come back. I don't see how you don't see the fear in my eyes. I look at relationships and no normal relationship does this. They don't tear each other down when they are mad, they don't do the crap you do. We've gone over and over and over the things you do, the things you say..and its like..woah woah..come down. What's going on..why is this happening? Why are you getting so mad? Why aren't we fixing this instead of getting mad at it. I've tried making excuses for you..or I guess I still am. Why can't you change this? Why does it have to be this way? Why? Cause I love you so much...and its like trying to say the thing you want most is ruining your self being. The thing that makes you smile..is the thing that is tearing you down, and intoxicating you. But its over in an instant...the fighting dies down and you return to normal. Nothing ever happened...

but it did.


And I'm scarred more than ever from it. Because you won't make this better, I don't even think you are physically able to make it better. Because you don't control yourself. When your mad,, your mad. End of story. I just find it so hard to leave...it was 7 days until now..and now we start all over. What am I gonna do next to piss Andrew off? What face will I make to have him throw something and cuss me out until I'm yelling back. What do I do?


A normal girl would be like..fuck this..I'm out.   


....But I guess I'm not normal.