You always ask whether or not I am doing what God wants of me. Am I sinning? Am I faithful to God? Do I believe in God? Of course you always believe the negativity of everything. I'm out doing drugs, I'm living in the street, somehow it's like you believe that because you weren't around, that all of our lives have gone to hell.
Truthfully, you have no room to talk. We are all sinners, we all do things that we regret. I know, in my heart that you never meant to do to Jessica what everyone believes you did, I believe what mom says. I think you thought it was her that night, and by accident, it happened. It was a mistake, you didn't know. How do I know that? Because out of everything I've gone through with you, out of everything I have come to know all of these years. I've been learning about you, about mom and about God. I've had to go through the memories in my mind, picking about things, why did this happen? What did he mean by this? Why was my dad like the way he was? Why did mom do the things she did? I'm learning, and I feel like I know the truth now. I know your a good person, even if it's taken me years to see it. It has taken me years to forgive you for the childhood that I couldn't have. You sit there in that prison. Maybe you don't know what's going on because I don't write you. Do you think that all of these years I was trying to forgive you? I never knew what to say. I told you I loved you in that courtroom because, you are my father. Whether or not I like it, you are the one who made me. Who gave me life. Would I prefer someone better...yea..I would. But God gave me you. I have to accept that. He does everything for a reason. Reasons I don't understand even..because I don't know why God gave you and mom, Alyssa, because she could have gone to a home that took so much better care of her. Who could afford to raise her into the women she needed to be, but because she is in our family..she is christian. For what she understands of God, she is going to be saved. It took me forever to get that. Why was I your child? Why was I chosen to grow up without a father? Why was I yelled at when things weren't picked up around the house. Why did I suffer when the bills were not paid? Why did I have to learn the hard way through life, wondering why I was suffering because of you and moms mistakes? BECAUSE. it made me strong. It made me believe in a God who forgives. It gave me the most amazing grandparents to show me that life was good, and it could be good. They brought me out of the wreckage. YEA...The ones you blamed everything on? gave me a life you couldn't give me. That tore you down, knowing that we wanted to be there more than we wanted to be home with you, so you lied, and you told me all the lies about them. Them hurting Andrew, about the abuse they did. They never did any of that, they were full of love and kindness. They weren't perfect, but they paid for haircuts, and extra curricular activities so we could live out our dreams. and yet you still blamed them. I would of been living on the streets if it hadn't been for them. God forgives! why didn't you!? God loves! Why didn't you love us enough to want the best for us? even if you couldn't of given it to us yourself. You should have loved them like God loves you!
I admit...I have done things that I am not proud of. I have lived a life that should of been going to hell...but somehow God forgave me for my sin. It took me a long time to forgive myself..but I did. Finally..i surrendered myself to my ever loving God..and I forgave myself. and I forgave you. I forgave you for hurting me when it wasn't my fault. I forgave you for walking around naked through my childhood..the first penis I ever saw was my dad's! I should have never seen that! You abused my mother in front of us kids..yelled at her through the nights so we stayed up and watched you even with school the next morning! We never saw a good relationship because all you could do was argue! You slept while you could have been looking for work! You could of saved money for us to go to college, you could have done so much more than you could have...and you left us without a father...for the rest of my life. I don't even know you anymore...neither do you know me. Because if you did..you wouldn't write me letters saying the things you say. You would trust that you raised me the right way...but you didn't..because you never raised me. I couldn't write you...I couldn't because I was so angry with you. YOU TOOK MY CHILDHOOD AWAY!. You had me digging through garbage bags to find metal for money just so we could eat the next day. You ever hear of Hepatitis or C diff? We could have gotten that from digging through those trash cans...how about pop cans on the side of the road...didn't you ever think of all of the diseases we could have caught? People aren't clean...and we picked up trash from those people! I know this now! back then it was fun because I didn't know what was happening! Was that a good life for us Dad? Was it good seeing you hit my mother in front of us? Or bashing her when she was gone? ......but I forgive you! Because God forgives me! And I hope to God he forgives you!
If you think you are in there..because you touched a girl...your wrong.
You are in there because you ruined the lives of your children. You put us in dangerous situations, bashed the people we love, and had no respect for our futures. As a mom...I now know what not to do as a parent because of you. I will love my child and support her in any way I can. I will work 30 hour days for her because it will better her life that much more. I trust that God has good things going for us..because I believe solely that he can move mountains...
So I pray for you. I pray that you see what your life was..and I pray that you fix who you are. I pray that God lets you remember your past the right way..and I pray that you seek his forgiveness...
I can't promise that when you come out..I will want anything to do with you if you are the man you are today. You are blind to the fact that you think you were a good role model. If you think that shoving my faults in my face..or writing my boyfriend and shoving his faults in his face is ever going to show me that your anything but a hypocrite..then yea..that's true. We aren't perfect..but God made us that way. Kaylin is not your granddaughter because you don't deserve to be called Grandpa. I don't know if you ever will.
I can forgive you..but I will never forget. You changed my life for the better because I have grown so much, I have learned so much. Maybe in the bible it says to use the rod and whip the child...maybe it says to honer your father and mother...but I will never honer a father who accuses me of false pretenses, who thinks my life is condemed because I am unwed and am a mother. Your have many faults..as do I...but I don't need to bring up your past anymore...because I forgive you.
Truthfully, you have no room to talk. We are all sinners, we all do things that we regret. I know, in my heart that you never meant to do to Jessica what everyone believes you did, I believe what mom says. I think you thought it was her that night, and by accident, it happened. It was a mistake, you didn't know. How do I know that? Because out of everything I've gone through with you, out of everything I have come to know all of these years. I've been learning about you, about mom and about God. I've had to go through the memories in my mind, picking about things, why did this happen? What did he mean by this? Why was my dad like the way he was? Why did mom do the things she did? I'm learning, and I feel like I know the truth now. I know your a good person, even if it's taken me years to see it. It has taken me years to forgive you for the childhood that I couldn't have. You sit there in that prison. Maybe you don't know what's going on because I don't write you. Do you think that all of these years I was trying to forgive you? I never knew what to say. I told you I loved you in that courtroom because, you are my father. Whether or not I like it, you are the one who made me. Who gave me life. Would I prefer someone better...yea..I would. But God gave me you. I have to accept that. He does everything for a reason. Reasons I don't understand even..because I don't know why God gave you and mom, Alyssa, because she could have gone to a home that took so much better care of her. Who could afford to raise her into the women she needed to be, but because she is in our family..she is christian. For what she understands of God, she is going to be saved. It took me forever to get that. Why was I your child? Why was I chosen to grow up without a father? Why was I yelled at when things weren't picked up around the house. Why did I suffer when the bills were not paid? Why did I have to learn the hard way through life, wondering why I was suffering because of you and moms mistakes? BECAUSE. it made me strong. It made me believe in a God who forgives. It gave me the most amazing grandparents to show me that life was good, and it could be good. They brought me out of the wreckage. YEA...The ones you blamed everything on? gave me a life you couldn't give me. That tore you down, knowing that we wanted to be there more than we wanted to be home with you, so you lied, and you told me all the lies about them. Them hurting Andrew, about the abuse they did. They never did any of that, they were full of love and kindness. They weren't perfect, but they paid for haircuts, and extra curricular activities so we could live out our dreams. and yet you still blamed them. I would of been living on the streets if it hadn't been for them. God forgives! why didn't you!? God loves! Why didn't you love us enough to want the best for us? even if you couldn't of given it to us yourself. You should have loved them like God loves you!
I admit...I have done things that I am not proud of. I have lived a life that should of been going to hell...but somehow God forgave me for my sin. It took me a long time to forgive myself..but I did. Finally..i surrendered myself to my ever loving God..and I forgave myself. and I forgave you. I forgave you for hurting me when it wasn't my fault. I forgave you for walking around naked through my childhood..the first penis I ever saw was my dad's! I should have never seen that! You abused my mother in front of us kids..yelled at her through the nights so we stayed up and watched you even with school the next morning! We never saw a good relationship because all you could do was argue! You slept while you could have been looking for work! You could of saved money for us to go to college, you could have done so much more than you could have...and you left us without a father...for the rest of my life. I don't even know you anymore...neither do you know me. Because if you did..you wouldn't write me letters saying the things you say. You would trust that you raised me the right way...but you didn't..because you never raised me. I couldn't write you...I couldn't because I was so angry with you. YOU TOOK MY CHILDHOOD AWAY!. You had me digging through garbage bags to find metal for money just so we could eat the next day. You ever hear of Hepatitis or C diff? We could have gotten that from digging through those trash cans...how about pop cans on the side of the road...didn't you ever think of all of the diseases we could have caught? People aren't clean...and we picked up trash from those people! I know this now! back then it was fun because I didn't know what was happening! Was that a good life for us Dad? Was it good seeing you hit my mother in front of us? Or bashing her when she was gone? ......but I forgive you! Because God forgives me! And I hope to God he forgives you!
If you think you are in there..because you touched a girl...your wrong.
You are in there because you ruined the lives of your children. You put us in dangerous situations, bashed the people we love, and had no respect for our futures. As a mom...I now know what not to do as a parent because of you. I will love my child and support her in any way I can. I will work 30 hour days for her because it will better her life that much more. I trust that God has good things going for us..because I believe solely that he can move mountains...
So I pray for you. I pray that you see what your life was..and I pray that you fix who you are. I pray that God lets you remember your past the right way..and I pray that you seek his forgiveness...
I can't promise that when you come out..I will want anything to do with you if you are the man you are today. You are blind to the fact that you think you were a good role model. If you think that shoving my faults in my face..or writing my boyfriend and shoving his faults in his face is ever going to show me that your anything but a hypocrite..then yea..that's true. We aren't perfect..but God made us that way. Kaylin is not your granddaughter because you don't deserve to be called Grandpa. I don't know if you ever will.
I can forgive you..but I will never forget. You changed my life for the better because I have grown so much, I have learned so much. Maybe in the bible it says to use the rod and whip the child...maybe it says to honer your father and mother...but I will never honer a father who accuses me of false pretenses, who thinks my life is condemed because I am unwed and am a mother. Your have many faults..as do I...but I don't need to bring up your past anymore...because I forgive you.
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