When I think of you, my throat tightens. My heart freezes, and it takes a minute for me to remember that I still deserve to breathe. That I still deserve to hold my other baby girl, and have her so beautiful and lovely in my arms.
When I think of you, the tears come from a place that I like to keep hidden, and it hurts so deep inside.
I love you, and I don't remember you enough, because the pain of letting you go so easily is not easy for me to remember. My life will always be incomplete without you, my heart will always be broken.
Permanently.
But I feel as though I deserve it. I know how highly loved you are in heaven, and how Jesus smiles at you when you dance from his throne, and when you giggle, and how incredibly smart you must be.
I want you to know that I love you more than all the stars in the sky, all the sand on the beaches, all the air on the earth, every atom that takes up this world. I love you so much, and my heart cries out for you every time I breathe.
You WERE worth it, you DID mean something. I was just too young to care, to young to think, to hurt to love who I was, and If I didn't love myself, I didn't know how I was going to love you. I was so utterly wrong, so stupid, and selfish and ignorant, and blind to know what was right.
Whatever you are, girl or boy, I know you are beautiful, I know you are perfect in every single way that God made you. Please forgive me, I want to deserve to still be called your mother. I wish for you to see my hurt, to see how broken I am, I don't care how bad it makes me feel, for you to see how much I wish you were here with me, your dad, and your sister. You have a permanent place in my heart, and someday soon, Grandma and Grandpa will be there to see you. To love you like they did me. I hope they give you every ounce of love like you deserve. I will always think of you, I will always be your mother... you will forever be in my heart.
When I think of you, the tears come from a place that I like to keep hidden, and it hurts so deep inside.
I love you, and I don't remember you enough, because the pain of letting you go so easily is not easy for me to remember. My life will always be incomplete without you, my heart will always be broken.
Permanently.
But I feel as though I deserve it. I know how highly loved you are in heaven, and how Jesus smiles at you when you dance from his throne, and when you giggle, and how incredibly smart you must be.
I want you to know that I love you more than all the stars in the sky, all the sand on the beaches, all the air on the earth, every atom that takes up this world. I love you so much, and my heart cries out for you every time I breathe.
You WERE worth it, you DID mean something. I was just too young to care, to young to think, to hurt to love who I was, and If I didn't love myself, I didn't know how I was going to love you. I was so utterly wrong, so stupid, and selfish and ignorant, and blind to know what was right.
Whatever you are, girl or boy, I know you are beautiful, I know you are perfect in every single way that God made you. Please forgive me, I want to deserve to still be called your mother. I wish for you to see my hurt, to see how broken I am, I don't care how bad it makes me feel, for you to see how much I wish you were here with me, your dad, and your sister. You have a permanent place in my heart, and someday soon, Grandma and Grandpa will be there to see you. To love you like they did me. I hope they give you every ounce of love like you deserve. I will always think of you, I will always be your mother... you will forever be in my heart.
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