So step one of the things I have yet to nail down as being a parent, that it is a whole lot harder to control you're emotions when you have a one year old who wants things done HER way.
My heart is forced to give in to that little "I'm not really crying" face, and when she see's how I am slightly about to give in, she brings it on, screaming and hitting, running around. Truthfully I kinda lost it, I had to put her in bed for a second to regain myself. This is the first time since she was a newborn that it has put me under this much stress, I was literally pulling my hair out to keep myself from screaming.
...She wants to be outside 24/7, so if I can get her to just watch t.v while I make her lunch, for just 5 minutes, before she comes in crying about not being outside, then I'm having a good day.
She has come to love going into our bathroom and taking out every single clean wash rag I have and throwing it in the bathtub, along with the razor I had left out the previous night to shave my legs, and just when I hand her a pickle later that day, blood is running down that precious little finger. I about had a heart attack running around like a mad woman as if she had broken a bone, I felt clueless. Like I didn't even know that common sense was telling me to grab antiseptic and a band-aid. I started chasing after her with the broom after she threw her cereal from breakfast all over the kitchen floor, I picked her up to put her in the living room for a second and she comes in with two fountain cup lids on her feet sliding around like she's ice skating, of course that ends in a fall, she falls down at least 30 times daily, if not more, they all follow with tears. After I put the band-aid on her finger, I notice that it is too big, so I do it in a way I kinda knew she would pick at, but somehow brilliant me thought that maybe she would keep it on and like it..yea.. I ended up taking it off after an hour or two, after the bleeding had stopped and the ointment had kicked in.
I tried to trick her to go outside with my laptop and write the novel I have been working on, hoping she would be running around enough so that I could finish my first chapter. Once I sat down, she pretty much cried the whole time because I had the laptop in the first place and preceded to pull on my arm , and I have no idea who could resist the face she gave me, so of course I gave in.
Now.... I try to keep my boundaries, and I do know how to say no. I'm not that out of it... and for the most part she knows a few things she shouldn't do. I did well with the whole " you can't go in the street" thing, which after getting her play time interrupted by going inside a few times, she finally figured it was better to listen to mommy. When I tell her no, she may ask again or maybe twice, but after she has heard the no no no, she figures it's useless and moves on to the next thing she can get into. She is truly a smart child, she thinks she is starting to figure me out, but ohhh if she only knew.
I will get this down, it may take a few more toddler books, and a couple of intense therapy sessions with my good friend or maybe my counselor. But god help me, I am determined to show her everything I know and even everything I don't know, to trust her and to guide her, but to me, as long as she knows how much me and her daddy love her and she can love us back just as much and look up to who we were as her parents, than that's when we will know that we've done our job good. :) ..much love.
You're exhausted mommy<3
No comments:
Post a Comment