A better person.

I can say I am better. I can say I have learned, or I have grown up and I am more responsible or more compassionate for others. The thing I hate most about myself are the things I continue to do all of the time. I never learned to be good with money. Now I have ruined every chance I've had with just about everybody. I have borrowed from people and never paid them back. I have mooched off of people who weren't even standing on two legs themselves, I have ruined my credit, and made myself look like a horrible person, all because I never learned to be organized with my finances. I guess thats all apart of growing up and stuff, but it seems now that it just gets so much worse every day. I have been living with my mom for a year now, and I guess I've just lost track of time that I kept saying I'd start paying her, and never did. I have completely left her in the dust, while i tried to rebuild myself. I guess I feel like, I never was raised right. I never had the chance to learn everything about that stuff like other people did. I have messed up so freaking much in the past three years, it has put me in a hole I just can't seem to crawl out of. It just gets bigger and bigger and I never learn. I have put blame on my mom so much because she was never there for me when I was young. I feel like I was rejected when I was little, so i still feel like she owes me something. Thats not being grown up though, thats not being the bigger person and being a mature adult. I have so much to learn, I just pray that God makes me into that person, who is responsible and organized. I can't keep blaming my mom, or my dad for my bad decisions as an adult, I have to grow up, start my life, and take responsibilty for who I am and what I do with my life.