Beauty in all she is.

Oh my heart swells a little more everyday seeing my baby grow. I honestly can't believe she is growing as fast as she is. I remember how scared I was, how I was worried about the future..but also how excited I am to have someone to be there with me. I have her through my mistakes, and she loves me through the hurt. I've never relied on someone so much like I do her. I feel like she protects me just as much as I protect her. I will be brave and stand up for her, even though I still feel like a child sometimes. I feel like I reach out for someone to guide me through and the hand I get is Gods. I can't physically see him, or feel him but I know I get his help a lot. Things happen that I never thought could happen, God is the person I lean on the most. My mom has helped and my Aunt has helped a lot. I couldn't do it without them and my grandparents. That is my security blanket. Now I just pray that Andrew can stand up and protect us too. I know he can..I know he loves his girls..I know we can do this. I hope God let's this happen for us. I just can't give up on him...

When history repeats

I look at you today..and sometimes it feels like a drug. I'm two years sober..yesterday. Sober from loving you, and being hurt by you. Being used by you, and betrayed by you. From you ignoring me, to making me the happiest person around. Funny...that happiness is nothing but something from the past. A happy I don't even know really existed. Too happy if you ask me. Obviously I saw the real you afterwards, I know your flaws, I know your lies and I know who you truly are. I know that I could have made you the happiest guy ever, and we could of had such a happy life together. My life was ruled by you. You kept me lingering on your every word... wondering when the next time you we're going to come into my life again. Somehow you took a piece of my heart I will never get back. Looking into the past just hurts, and I don't remember my life being happy back then. I was alone even when I had everybody by my side. I still think of you from time to time, but you no longer control my heart. I keep my distance...but forever will i believe we could have been everything.


listening too: Linger by the cranberries