Whoeveryouare.

Sometimes I think of you, and I close my eyes to a summer night breeze blowing through my hair. Your warm body up close next to mine. Your smell is intoxicating, and being with you makes me feel safe. It makes me feel full of love and happiness. I don't need to try to be happy, or even decide where to go from where, because when I think of you, I am exactly where I need to be. I dream of you sometimes. I feel your warm skin through your shirt and I smell your sweet cologne, a smell I've never smelled, but something the makes me feel safe and loved. You hold my hand, and you want me to be involved in everything you do. You tower over me and guard me from danger. You protect me like you are guarding the most precious thing in your world. I am so happy in these dreams, I just see myself smiling.
Of course you don't exist in my life right now, or even in this universe. And when I dream of you, you either have no face or I never remember. You make me happy, you show me not to worry, and to be happy with everything. To work for what I want, but be happy with what I have. You hold me and guide me in the right direction, I don't even need to tell you. You know my fears, my insecurities, but you make them a beauty the shines within myself. Maybe this is God, maybe this is my future, or maybe this is just a dream. I want this, and do I believe it's out there? Not really. But every time I dream of you, waking up breaks my heart, as if I lost a part of me. I get these dreams once in awhile, but very far in between. I crave these dreams, and sometimes I try to go back to sleep just so I can feel that way again. Of course it never happens. I don't get it back. It kills me to see the life I live now, and dream of the perfectness of being happy. I don't need a million dollars, or fancy things. I want this happiness. Although having my daughter brings me happiness, it's a different kind. I don't know if I will ever be happy like this though. I don't even know if I am in love or if I am just afraid of being alone. All I know is, this isn't love I am living right now. This isn't how a relationship should be. Have I felt happy at all? Possibly. So where do I go from here, and when will I meet the man with no face? Someday I hope to live the life I dream.