So is this finally it? Have I finally hit the point where I want to leave Andrew? So much has happened...and we've been so far apart for so long..I feel so empty..so vulnerable...so broken.
I want to crawl in a hole and bury myself in whatever I can find to hide myself from the pain, and from everyone who asks questions.
Why does this have to be so fricken hard?
Because he's the father of my child?
I just want a normal life..I want a normal day where he's at work, comes home to me. He prays with me, abides by me, loves me and would do a lot for me, a man who fights for me and tells me the things that only I would know. I wanted that in Andrew...so bad. In fact I want him to be this perfect man..but he's not..not even close. I can't expect him to be..but why does he have to be so far off? Why can't I have a happy ending? Life is always hard...and instead of talking to God... I just stay quite...I don't know what to say. Its like I know what he wants..but I'm afraid of disappointing him again...and I just go through the motions of life because I'm not worthy of Gods grace...not when I can't even listen to him. I feel like I'm worthless..and too broken for repair. I don't want to live anymore... I never thought I would feel like this again..but here I am..again...going through the motions of this life. I don't know where to go from here...please god help me...
I want to crawl in a hole and bury myself in whatever I can find to hide myself from the pain, and from everyone who asks questions.
Why does this have to be so fricken hard?
Because he's the father of my child?
I just want a normal life..I want a normal day where he's at work, comes home to me. He prays with me, abides by me, loves me and would do a lot for me, a man who fights for me and tells me the things that only I would know. I wanted that in Andrew...so bad. In fact I want him to be this perfect man..but he's not..not even close. I can't expect him to be..but why does he have to be so far off? Why can't I have a happy ending? Life is always hard...and instead of talking to God... I just stay quite...I don't know what to say. Its like I know what he wants..but I'm afraid of disappointing him again...and I just go through the motions of life because I'm not worthy of Gods grace...not when I can't even listen to him. I feel like I'm worthless..and too broken for repair. I don't want to live anymore... I never thought I would feel like this again..but here I am..again...going through the motions of this life. I don't know where to go from here...please god help me...
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