holding stronger than ever.

This man... Has been my rock and my heart, through so much of my life. I don't need anyone else's approval for him, because I approve of who he is. He is proof that we all grow, we can all learn to love, and we can become better , if you let yourself. He is my definition of true strength, and he isn't afraid to fight for who he loves. He is tuff, but he has shown me more about myself than I have ever known. There have been a lot of ups and downs with us, but through each trial in our lives, we some how manage to overcome it and learn from it. I learn more about myself everyday because he challenges the part of me that never feels strong enough, and he turns me around to face it, and overcome it. I couldn't get through life without him being there. He gets me, without even having to ask. He respects me for me, he listens, and he makes himself understand even when it doesn't make sense to him. I've never loved someone so head strong, but I have never felt more love for him than I do now. The best thing about us, is that we have a common ground. He never let's me turn away when I'm upset, and even if he doesn't know what to say, he will just listen and be there. He is my complete other half. I know a lot of people judge him for who he is, but we are all human, we all mess up, we all go through life's trials..but I know that God uses those times, so that we can help others going through the same thing. We aren't perfect, and we would never claim to be. I love Andrew for who he is.. And the great person I know he wants to be. I am confident in being by his side for the rest of my life, holding his hand, walking through the worst and enjoying the best. Here's to you babe, to what's came, what's coming, and what's yet to come. Forever and always... <3

losing hope.

So is this finally it? Have I finally hit the point where I want to leave Andrew? So much has happened...and we've been so far apart for so long..I feel so empty..so vulnerable...so broken.
I want to crawl in a hole and bury myself in whatever I can find to hide myself from the pain, and from everyone who asks questions.

Why does this have to be so fricken hard?

Because he's the father of my child?
I just want a normal life..I want a normal day where he's at work, comes home to me. He prays with me, abides by me, loves me and would do a lot for me, a man who fights for me and tells me the things that only I would know. I wanted that in Andrew...so bad. In fact I want him to be this perfect man..but he's not..not even close. I can't expect him to be..but why does he have to be so far off? Why can't I have a happy ending? Life is always hard...and instead of talking to God... I just stay quite...I don't know what to say. Its like I know what he wants..but I'm afraid of disappointing him again...and I just go through the motions of life because I'm not worthy of Gods grace...not when I can't even listen to him. I feel like I'm worthless..and too broken for repair. I don't want to live anymore... I never thought I would feel like this again..but here I am..again...going through the motions of this life. I don't know where to go from here...please god help me...