I'm having a hard time with everything

So this blog is for me, when I'm up, when I'm down..and anything in between. Right now being mommy is the best thing to life. I know she loves me for who I am and what I look like, she doesn't judge. On the other hand my head does. I was doing so good with my working out, I was going 4 times a week even, alternating zumba, running in the park, going to the gym and rewarding myself with some hot tub time. All of this has vanished since Julie went back to New York. I feel again like a failure. I have no one to motivate me and on top of everything, I don't have a car to myself, so when Andrew is working I have to stay at home. Now Bill is home at night, so I can go out then and run, but who isn't afraid of lose dogs and strange people? Plus I am like the only one who runs in this entire addition so I feel like everyone stares at me. When I get into that run that the pain is gone and I can keep going, it feels so good! I miss it! Although now I am just eating whatever I want and doing whatever I want, and I feel like I just wasted all of that time. I still want to work on my weight, but I never get that motivation to do so. Now it's like everything is coming up. Starting nursing school and going places with Kaylin, or my dad writing me and completely depressing my mood, or Andrew's mom who isn't all there. Plus I'm tired, and moody. I don't wanna do this by myself. I need to, but I don't want to. Who wants to diet? Anyway, I thought I would put where I'm at right now. I hope my next post will be positive news