Tuesday, March 13, 2012

One day I just want to live my life without always wondering what you're doing, or how you handle your life. I just want happiness..i want drive and momentom..most of all i want love

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I didn't need you then, I don't need you now.

Oh boy...where to begin. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Why why why why why???
It's like my head is eternaly fixated on him. Am I going to see him, what if that's his car, what if he sees me and I look this way, what if, who's he going to be with, does he think about me. Why do I think this? WHY? I don't care about him..i seriously dont..atleast i don't think I do. Then why does it bother me that on our birthday...he doesnt even wish me a happy birthday? Why is it that i felt so let down because I didnt see him at the club the other night? Why do i feel this way? Why is god letting me go throug this misery? For a man that means absolutly nothing to me? Why? That's what I don't get. I dont love him, I dont care for him..i dont even think he's attractive anymore...but yet my head goes through all of these emotions and thoughts and everything. it all leads to him...i always wonder if he will be there...of course he isnt even concerned with my life anymore. he could possibly not even care less. So why do i? I love Andrew..Andrew is the most amazing man in my life..i want to marry him..but I can't marry him if i can't get evan out of my head. I need to talk to A counsiler or something because I don't even think I can help myself. Something is seriously wrong with me...something. I don't know what to do..i just don't want to think about him anymore...just stop wondering all the fucking time whether or not hes thinking of me or wondering if ill see him or if he will ever talk to me...oh fucking well. who cares?? why do i care? god please help me.